He’s the one who went out drinking last night – why do I feel guilty for planning to leave him? He slept until noon today – why do I feel guilty about the kids missing him? He’s the one who, after around eight beers last night before he went out, promised to spend this day getting the boys new baseball bats and practicing with them but instead slept until noon, then decided to just work in the garage all afternoon and drink more beer, so I took the boys to get the new baseball bats – why do I feel guilty? He’s the one who, over the years, has shut me down completely every single time I have raised my concern about his drinking – so why do I feel guilty? He’s the one who leaves me and the boys several nights per week, even if he doesn’t leave the house, to drink and stays checked out emotionally afterward – so why do I feel guilty for planning to divorce him?
Somehow there’s this feeling that he hasn’t really done anything wrong. But I know that’s wrong!
I’m going to continue going to Al-anon and continue reading to try to untangle my messy thought patterns. My therapist is helping me with this too. But have other people felt this way at one time or another? Would love to hear how you overcome feelings of selfishness and guilt.